View Profile MalFromed
A person just like you. In every way, even.


Joined on 6/16/18

Exp Points:
9,253 / 9,340
Exp Rank:
Vote Power:
7.09 votes
Police Officer
Global Rank:
B/P Bonus:

Livin the Dream™

Posted by MalFromed - February 13th, 2021

---What I Wrote---

God damn it's been like 4 months since I've had a drink and I can't draw when I'm drinking but I can certainly ramble. what you don't believe me I can prove it. 


Hahaha! Given the program I'm using I didn't know it could actually pick up my laughter look at that. Just to watch I'm going to keep it in when I sober up. You know I also say that once you once you start drinking after so long it really hits you hard. Anyway, let's get back to what I was originally going to say (what you'll pick up the laughter but not hiccups?) ((call strength in space closed (closed (I am going back to fix my typos but holyshit this machine) (what you let me swear there but not anywhere else, f*** you) (see I'ma leave that in because I think it's funny. When I sober up I can debate not I want to leave this all in. Knowing me I probably will.) (do you put a punctuation Parentheses I don't know I have dysgraphia I wouldn't know) (god dammit, can't even say . Without it turning into a .) (truly, my life is suffering.) i'm really starting to think I should have eaten something oh well() (I know I'm leaving that is is because it's funny as s***) (my only regret is that I'll be sober when I'm doing it.) (anyway.), 

---The Context---

Oh man, it's been a long time since I've been hungover. I want to say around 2014, but I can't really be bothered to remember. Anyhow, it really sucks, but in a fun way. A nice reminder of one's mortality. Especially when the weather is in the single digits, your heater sucks, and you end up shivering the entire night. Uncertain if you'll see the sunrise. But I mean, hey, sometimes you just have to put yourself through something awful to make yourself want to do better. 

It can be said that there were a few mistakes (small errors in judgment, really) that lead up to just how bad I got it. Let me walk you through what happened, just before and right after the above. 

You could say that started about eight nights ago. See, I ran out of dough to make flatbread, which is what I've been primarily eating as of late. Now you may ask, ingredients or just the dough? Just the dough. I'm well set on the ingredients. I just felt lazy and didn't want to make more. So up to the moment I decided to drink, I had eaten nothing. If I had known how things would have turned out, maybe I wouldn't have been so lazy. 

Now let's fast forward 2 nights. Prior to getting home with my bounty, I was at the store, and I gotta say, just about every one person I ran into was absolutely pleasant. Most of the time, people are just indifferent to my existence. Some people laugh at me, but to be fair, I'm a pretty silly guy. All this to say, I was in a wonderful mood. Why I didn't buy anything to eat other than vegan gummy candy escapes me. What's that? Why not regular candy? Are you nuts? I'm not going to buy candy that's been tested on animals. Ya psycho.

So, I get home, I set the bottles down and notice that it's only 4 PM. You see, I like to set rules for myself. One of those rules being no drinking before 6 PM. Deciding to sleep until the time came, I briefly considered making more dough. After all, it would need to rise, and that would have been plenty of time. But in the end, decided it would have been too much work. And besides, I had vegan gummy candy. I'd be fine. 

If I recall correctly, it was 7 PM when I woke up, and I was ready to enjoy a nice pleasant evening. Now, there's something you need to understand. I don't really bother with beer. It's just not my thing. I'm more a hard liquor kind of guy. I tend not to drink it straight, mind you, drinking is a very expensive hobby, so I prefer to make mixed drinks. And while I could have made a rum and coke, I was still riding high on my good mood and opted instead to make the coveted Long Island Iced Tea. But in my haste to achieve the good time, I forgot to make the simple syrup. My first real mistake. And while I'm willing to admit that there may have been other things that could be considered "poor decision-making by some," in the end, it was my own bad habit of grossly overestimating my own capabilities which led to my demise. I don't mean to. I just like to think highly of myself.

Using "loose measurements," I made my beverage and ate my candy. The first thing I noticed was how bitter it was. While I could have just gone and made some simple syrup, I again, just didn't want to and chose to suck it up. I mean, come on. They say life is, "bittersweet" right? I had the sweet. Now it was time for the bitter. And the bitter it was, as I drank a third of my beverage and felt nothing. If you remember in the last paragraph, I possess the horrible flaw of overestimating myself (more so an endearing character trait unique to me and me alone), so, when 20 minutes past and nothing happened, I started to feel pretty good about myself, and decided to take that third and turn it into a half. It was this exact moment where everything went downhill. Had I known how steep the hill would have been, I definitely would have done things differently. Maybe. 

Anyway, it was after a few more sips, I started to feel a little bit of something and decided to start doodling, only to find that I had lost the ability to draw. I wasn't stupid. I knew what that meant. So, I decided that if I couldn't draw, I could at least ramble. As luck would have it, I had remembered in full my "Pigs Aren't Real" ramble and decided that I would share that with you all (or just you if you think you're special ;]). What you got was the above. 

After getting that far, I immediately lost interest/forgot, and decided to send my brother a message. 


It's at this point I'd like to say that I made a good decision, but sadly I cannot. I made a neutral decision. What's a neutral decision? A neutral decision is when you decide to take a half and reduce it to a fifth. I think. 

Did you know that when your body heats up when you drink, that's just some sort of sensory illusion? The reason you're warm is because the heat in your body is escaping in an attempt to cool down. With that information, I should tell you about my aforementioned heater. It's a nice little heater. It does its job the best it can. So long as the temperature outside does not drop below 30ºF any lower than that, it starts to struggle. That night's temperature was within the single digits. The exact number I do not know, forgive me. And while I'd like to say that I bundled up, especially seeing as I was already privy to the information at the start of this paragraph, I decided I was too cool for that and continue to wear clothes that made me feel like me. Which happens to be a cheap unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt and shorts. On a side note, I do own a silk Hawaiian shirt. That I wear if the mood strikes me. But it just didn't that night. You might be asking why what I was wearing is important to this story at all. If only you knew... And know you shall! For you see...

My kitchen and bathroom are not connected to my bedroom. Meaning, that everytime I need access to one of those rooms, I need to go outside. Who would live like this? Me. Why? That is a far longer and more miserable story. Perhaps another time. 

So, realizing that I may have made a few errors in judgment (it could happen to anyone), I decided the best place for me to be was the bathroom. After braving the elements (a walk of 5 to 10 seconds) and standing in there for about 5 minutes (I think), I said to myself, "I'm no wuss! I'm not going to throw up!" and proceeded to return to my bedroom, deciding that all I needed was to lean back, take deep breaths and just relax. "Everything was going to be okay." Is something an idiot or person with an extreme lapse of judgement would say in this situation. And I'm not about to fill this story with bias. I'll let you (you ◕‿◕✿), the reader of this story, decide which one of those I am.

  • This Part Is Gross

I'll never understand how some people just pass out when they're drunk. Every time I get drunk, if I so much as blink, it feels like I'm falling and spinning at the same time. It's the absolute worst. Needless to say, I wasn't doing too hot in that moment. The whole "lean back and relax" thing wasn't working out. But that's when I remembered something someone once told me. According to them, I would take on a very gray complexion whenever I felt sick. And you know what? I wanted to see if that was true. So I once again went outside and returned to the bathroom. Once there, I looked in the mirror, and sure enough, I looked completely gray. I then took that opportunity to smirk and say, "Lookin good!" then proceeded to immediately vomit into the shower (a second toilet to some). Why not the toilet? Simple. My toilet is covered in a fine layer of scuzz, and the shower is covered in far less scuzz. I don't know about you, but to me, that's a no-brainer. 

Now, if you recall, the only thing I ate where vegan gummy candies. The candies themselves are pretty all right. About what you would expect. But they tasted absolutely foul coming back up. I then looked down at the colorless sludge that was now in my shower and couldn't help but feel I wasted my money. I hate wasting money. So much so if I ruin a meal and that was the only thing I was going to eat that day, I just don't eat that day to make up for the loss of food. The only thing I hate more than wasting money and food is vomiting. Not only are you wasting both money and food when you throw up, but it's also not very fun. 

At some point, I ditched the shirt and shorts. I can't remember why. I think I had to pee or something, and I didn't trust myself not to cover myself in piss. I don't know. Either way, I found myself back in my bedroom, believing the worst to be over. That's when the dry heaving started. All the puking had left me with no liquid in me. I should take this moment to mention I have a ton of bottled spring water in my bedroom. I didn't drink any of it. Instead, opting to return to the bathroom and drink shower water instead. Where I then returned said water to the shower. 

  • Gross Part Over

Eventually, I found myself back in my bedroom on my couch and apparently had found the time somewhere between the last paragraph and this one to put my shorts back on. How nice of me. I then lost consciousness, only for my brother to finally return home from wherever the hell he was at. You see, I have something of an open door policy, more so out of necessity than friendliness. I have a long history of people trying to break down my door for no reason. And I've heard excuses from "I thought it was stuck" to "I just don't like your door being locked." Truly I am respected. So he barges in, waking me up, forgets completely what he wanted to ask me, and leaves. In retrospect, this was actually a good thing, as it gave me an opportunity to toss on some blankets that I had apparently forgotten. And I'll tell you what I needed those blankets, because the second time I woke up, I found myself freezing cold and shaking until I passed out again.

Sometime later, I found myself waking up and feeling just fine. No pain, no hangover, no nothing. And it was great. For the one minute it lasted. The second I moved my eyes, my head exploded, and everything hit me all at once. Do you know what it's like to be hungover on an empty stomach? It sucks. Especially when you have to drag yourself through the elements and actually have to cook something because you own nothing that is quick and easy to make. My body felt like absolute shit for 3 days. Since then, I still don't feel that great. Better than I was, at least.

Despite all this, at least one good thing came out of it. I figured out a better way to work with my, Elmant alignment chart (a thing I'm working on. you'll know about it someday. don't worry about it), so that's good. If there's any lesson to be learned from the story at all, I feel it falls somewhere in between, "Don't run off thinking you're hot shit," and "Make sure to take care of yourself, so you don't freeze to death." And I hope you (you ◕‿◕✿) have a wonderful rest of your day, night, whatever! Till the next ramble (should be soon).


You didn't read the whole thing. I know you didn't. In my heart of hearts, I know you did not read all of this. It's alright. You're only mortal. If you did however, I'll tell you the same thing I would tell anybody else. I greatly appreciate it when somebody reads through one of my Rambles™. So like I said, if you actually did read through it, thank you very much.



Comments ain't a thing here.