MalFromed's art Reviews on Newgrounds

[Ink and Paint Gang]

WOW! That one on the left is chugging that juice like a champ!

videojunk responds:

"juice"
ummmmmm...

[a really good podcast]

Well, what do you know? Here I am, browsing the portal, minding my own business and what do I see? Someone who watches the same podcast as me. It brings me great, uplifting elation, like that of riding a soft, bubbly cloud out of the abyss itself, to see an individual of superior taste who knows of this phenomenal duo and their various guests and associates. Indeed, a bountiful feast for the ears. I would brave a dare, I have no risk of losing and say, a modern-day spectacle, the likes of which few unwashed heathens, that only some well-meaning yet woefully misguided individuals, run a risk in calling, "content creators," can hope rival tells me that you are no ordinary person. Yes, you are extraordinary! Perhaps even, superior to that of the average, filth stained person struggling to find a reason to continue their woefully unspectacular lives. It is for this reason that I, a voice and gentle hand from the void, shall willingly share my milk of human kindness and place forth upon your heavy laden mind, my thoughts on your seemingly innocuous art piece in tribute to those who have won your favor. Where do I even begin? Ah, yes. Perhaps the beginning would be the most appropriate place to start my encomium of your work. So, it is just as I had conveyed to you earlier, that I had decided to grace the art portal with my presence and, as of the writing of this literature, five and seventy-four hundredths voting power, for those unfortunate enough to be disregarded by the ungrateful view of average uncultured savages, undoubtedly leaving many an impoverished artist to wonder if their efforts to convey their inspired perception of reality through a spectacular marriage of both ideas and emotions had been in vain. Their art, every piece a precious child, carelessly slipping through the hands of the so-called, "audience," who, devoid of any compassion, would leave the poor child on the floor, struggling to survive in a sea of expression, rather than truly accepting it for all it has to offer. For you see, it is for this reason that I have developed a deep, devoted passion, which allows me to bring myself to peruse these portals. If not for the artists’ sake, then I do so in honor of their creations. And in doing so, I happened upon, in the art portal, a cluster of art that was of the utmost offense to my eyes. The flavor of these art pieces, if I were to take upon the challenge of describing what fell upon the pallet of my eyes, could only be described as raw and bitter. As such, anyone's natural reaction would have been to avert their gaze and continue past what one would under normal circumstances would consider a tragedy aimed toward not only the arts, but what is decent, and I, if I were more absent-minded, would have done the same, wishing to cleanse the gentle palette belonging to my eyes of what I had seen when in that moment, perhaps guided by some unknown creature of myth, I chanced upon what could only be considered by even the most repugnant and skeptical of minds, a diamond in the rough. On the assumption that your intellect is as sharp as my own, you are undoubtedly correct. The very diamond I speak of, is this art piece. It was then that I came to the spectacular understanding, that this ruthless battery of my optical senses, was intentional, in an extraordinary effort to filter out the less discerning and unworthy individuals from admiring your true and inspired works of art. Thus protecting your creation from uneducated and undeserved scrutiny and saving it only for those possessing a keen sophisticated eye such as my own. A brilliant and unprecedented stroke of tactical genius, to say the least. As you can easily assume, I was left with no choice but to acknowledge you with fervor. I clicked on the image showing a partial display of your work. When the page loaded, it became immediately evident that your efforts have not been squandered and left for not. For as of my making of this crown of literary expression, there are only four or fewer fortunate souls, who own, superior discerning eyes. Such as yours and mine. However, numbers are trivial. A social construct and possessing very little meaning to the subject at hand. So, without further delay, let us discuss the crown jewel of this webpage. As stated previously, I am indeed grateful that I have been able to bear witness to this flattering tribute that shall be remembered for ages to come. Indeed, for a podcast that only you, I and ten other people on the crust of this earth to receive art fills me with feelings of warmth. Yes, even now, as I stare at your gift to humanity, my chest tightens with each breath I take in its presence. My face, deformed, lacking certain movement capabilities and yet possessing its own unique, unmistakable beauty, curves into a smile. My eyes widen, as if in a desperate attempt to consume more of the picture. Lastly, my mind runs wild, attempting to formulate how this masterpiece was conceived. Artistic scholars of bygone eras weep at their inability to perceive your artistic achievements and expression with living eyes. All these feelings convey to me that I am truly among the blessed. You have truly captured the heart of artistic expression. But my feelings can only ever be my own. For I, as extraordinary as I am, cannot truly share them, leaving me only able to express them with written words. An anemic representation of how I feel by comparison. But I shall not let us dwell on my own shortcomings and instead discuss what this bastion of artistic salvation depicts. Firstly, let us acknowledge, Tad. It is not often that I see what one would loosely describe as a person, really it would be more accurate to describe him as a husk that could collapse in on itself at any moment, regardless still a being of sorts, that invokes the sense of the struggling of all mankind none more so perfectly then he does. I am thoroughly blown away by how you truly and fully managed to capture his feeble and poignant nature. When I look upon him, through the depiction of reality that you have conjured from nothing, my eye does indeed say to me, "Yes! This is indeed a wage slave, who strives for relevancy. Sacrificing precious little along the way and receiving the appropriate amount in return, resulting in a debatably mediocre existence." Let us not be careless and dismiss his passion. Which would be, of course, his wealth of, "interesting life stories," and "experiences" Whether it be the way he rambles on about the most recent events in his life, a pointless endeavor in and of itself, or at times discussing a childhood that, "WASN'T THAT BAD," or attempting to feed into the humorous notion that anyone is actually listening to him, is very inspiring. OH! And we cannot dismiss the most important part of his character. His eternal suffering. Yes, I find his self-flagellation over a long dead webcomic of little cultural significance and no lasting impression most amusing. Full stop. We should proceed forward from the discussion of Tad, not that there was really much to discuss about him to begin with. Now, let us move on to, Aleks, who, as I am sure someone possessing a keen intellect, such as yourself is aware, is no ordinary person. In fact, I have come to the undeniable belief that, Aleks, is in fact, a superior being beyond standard fragile human comprehension. A creature of the most otherworldly nature. I dare say a god. Yes, surely a god of the most impractical kind. And do not worry, I know of the question attempting to crawl forth from the depths of your deep complex mind, that only someone such as myself, would possess the capabilities of understanding, attempting to make its way out of your skull and wishing to ride down your tongue to give birth to a most obvious question. So allow me to save you the embarrassment and ask it for you. What would cause a god to walk among us in this day and age? Well, listen closely with your optical sensors and you shall receive the answer to this uncommon inquiry. For you see, it is of the utmost simplicity as to why he is here betwixt all manner of mortal being. One only needs to observe his mannerisms, his behavior, his devil-may-care attitude. The answer that you're exceedingly sharp wit undoubtedly has made clear to you, now sits in your lap, like a child desperately awaiting a bedtime story, protesting the very notion of sleeping without their preferred form of mental sustenance to lull them to sleep and line their dreams. Now, as you and I are both aware of, all good gods have at least one crippling flaw, and in the case of, Aleks, his irredeemable flaw, the stone that causes him to stumble is his own hubris. Indeed, there exists no room for doubt in my mind that he was brought down by his own pigheaded self-centered nature and made to wallow amongst us, comparatively simple creatures so that he may come to understand the suffering of man and through that understanding humility. And who better to learn the fruits of humility from the lowliest, most impoverished in both character and mind of us all than the average Walmart shopper? It would seem that he wishes to take the fast track to the road of redemption. Unfortunately, to the dismay of him and him alone, you cannot rush the pearls of wisdom that are life lessons. They require time to gestate inside their oysters, only opening when ready. Now, with all this information, swimming in your head like a walleyed goldfish in a bowl, it is of the utmost importance that we not forget that he is still a god and gods require sacrifices even if they are stripped of their otherworldly powers. Fortunately, for superior yet simplistic individuals, such as you and me, he is not only merciful but also sensible as well. As it would seem he would only choose to strike down the more feeble and worthless members of society such as the elderly sons of man that indignantly continue to exist on the crust of the Earth. Aside from sacrifices gods also require devotion most commonly in the form of attention, which being on the podcast provides this invaluable form of sustenance to him. It is an exceedingly good thing that it would seem being stripped of your powers comes with the added benefits of needing very little sustenance. However, even taking all of this into consideration, it is near undeniable that Aleks still possesses much of his arrogant, self-absorbed attitude. Truly one could say that he has a long way to go. Now then, you needn't convey to me that one as sophisticated is yourself, is exceedingly eager for me to spill forth my knowledge of the obvious symbolism, staring at all with the aptitude to see, in the facial region in this piece, that is to say, your magnum opus. Well, you needn't worry as I am more than willing to oblige. Let us discuss the ring. To uneducated cretins, it is nothing but an ordinary ring. But as you and I, both know, that ring is anything but ordinary. Any astute mind would undoubtedly tell you that the ring symbolizes the eternal, unbreakable bond of friendship belonging only to Tad and Aleks. Take notice that it is Aleks who is holding up the ring. The reason for this is quite obvious. Aleks knows that Tad is nothing more than a mortal, "man," and as such, is too weak and pathetic to hold up the ring. Much of his strength having left him from a lifetime of disappointments and unsatisfactory conclusions. Yes, it would seem that his pain is equivalent to that of someone fawning over a possible love they met in college and never saw again. Thoughts of them run through their mind often, despite having only met once. Full stop. The fact that, Aleks, is willing to use what godly strength he has left on behalf of a fairly frumpish mortal, proves that their friendship is genuine and pure. And here we are. The end of our little discussion draws near. It was entertaining to say the least. But now it is time for it to come to a sweet and gentle end. And to think, this started out so simple. It is almost mind-boggling that I spent almost twelve hours writing this all out and then refining it to the best of my abilities. If you somehow read the entire thing, just know that I deeply appreciate that you would take the time to read my horribly verbose shitpost. So again, thank you.

MRMAGO1212 responds:

your welcome i can see you are a fellow intellectual

[snibbety...]

I'm not sure if I could trust something so small like this. It looks like it would pinch my toes for business, but never for pleasure. In my mind, you have only created something that will profit off my toes instead of appreciating them for what they are. At the end of the day, I guess I'm just another resource to pentagonal crustaceans...

Long Live Big Crab™, I guess...

pInkmoth responds:

wow 😂

[Leapin']

What's up with Ellyson's legs?

hpargonohp responds:

She was designed to have digitigrade legs that taper off into sharp points.
Looking at them apparently lets you get a glimpse of space, too.

[skater rex]

That's one of the raddest dinosaurs I've ever seen! But, if he tells me not to do drugs, I'm going to call him a liar! There's NO WHY that you get that cool and have not done at least one drug! And if he starts rappin'...then I'll know that he's just another corporate sellout.

fart-creator responds:

he is going to rap about the bible

[17. Tentacle Tapir]

Well, despite your request, I looked it up anyway and wouldn't you know it's a real thing!
But for some reason, when I click on the link to get more information, it just leads me back here. Most unusual...

BatbugDoodles responds:

I have been dubbed by the internet as the official curator of tentacle tapir knowledge.

[at a loss for words]

This took me a second. Well done.

Also, I like that big lipped Pooch. It reminds me of Poochy, from Yoshi's Island.

Ouchihitme responds:

Ye, Buu got them poochy vibes, i wanted it that way, thanks for noticing that and the reference.

[Give Me Your Orbs]

NO! I need them for Minecraft! ...or Astrology! ...or whatever the hell you use orbs for!

vidyazilla responds:

She needs them.

[More Puke]

Well, of course! Who wouldn't want to show off a cool jacket like that? But the real question remains. Is there an adorable and/or cool hood that goes with it?

Also, what exactly is she made out of? Tar? Oil? Dinosaur Bones?

OneGrumpyLumpy responds:

Sadly no, but I can always change my mind and say that she does and it's just been consumed by the goop.
Also she's just made of some mysterious black goop

[art block in peril]

OH SHIT! It's that kid from preschool who licked all the toys!

He got hot.

pInkmoth responds:

hahahaha 😂